Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this will be a night to untag.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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