I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's always time for handjobs
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
