What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
