he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
