I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
