..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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