that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
