Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
