Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
