Can i not drive my cunt home
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
