Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
