How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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