I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I will die if light touches me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
