I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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