I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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