Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
