He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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