you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
