Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
