I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
