a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
