if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
