just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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