he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
