Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sext me about skeletons
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
