It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
