She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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