nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
