so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
