Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
