my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
