Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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