Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
