true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
