He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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