I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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