I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
