So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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