In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
