apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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