Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
