when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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