Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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