We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
