he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
