I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
