i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
