I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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