your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
