that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
