Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
