I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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