she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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