I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
