I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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