You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
