Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
